Maritza Rodriguez
Teacher's Comments on a Student's
paper. (Sample # 1)
The
writing process involves many revision strategies. Every writer has unique
revisions and methods operative for his own goals. For instance, I like to do a
series of alterations over days and weeks. Allowing my writing to sit for a
couple of days and then returning to make changes, permits me to look at my
text in a new way. This is when I am most able to express what I want to
express in an intended manner. Most of the time, I have someone look over my
writing before turning it in to the professor. This is a friend or a classmate
with whom I feel comfortable asking to serve as detective of grammatical
errors. Once I am satisfied with my final draft, I seek to find out how my
writing is coming across to the reader. After all, we write so that the reader
receives our message. For me, having someone read my writing at loud is my most
important and best revision strategies. Once the final draft is completed, I meticulously
check my writing focused on every aspect of audience expectations. This process during the final draft, allows
me to discover hitches and check for tone. However, the audience is present at
certain degree during every drafting process from beginning to the end. A
writer possesses purpose and audience awareness and the two are the driving
forces in creating text and leading the revisions.
Language is more than spoken words. Language creates and built views. The
comment a teacher makes on his student's paper is a form of
communication from the professor to the writer. It serves as a teaching
coaching technique. I seek to investigate what role language plays in
the revision process by analyzing the teacher’s comments on a student’s paper. The
student’s draft I am analyzing is sample I. As the edits the draft,
audience expectations and purpose drive the revision process. The
way the student feels about the comment will also be a factor because as the
writer of the paper, only he knows what he intended to say and not the
professor who interprets it.
After sorting my data, I
found comments of compliments, suggestions
and hesitation. I have numbered the comments and I analyzed
their meanings. The data sets and their meanings are the route and
choices of revision; that the student will most likely make to comply with the
audience expectation.
Compliments
1. I like the opening hook up to here.
2. This overview works well.
3. Derrick's textbook is a good place to
start.
5. These points are clear.
6. Nice choice of example
8. The basic ideas of this paragraph are
clear
The first sets of data are the compliments. The compliments are
well done work in the writing. It lets the student know the
specifics part of the draft that were done well. In general, the student will
leave those particular areas as it is since the teacher finds it
satisfying. He would most likely not change the sentences
where compliments were received for there are no reasons to make changes. However, since compliments are shining areas
of his writing, he might decide to make them stand out or and repeat
similar actions. For example, the compliment, “nice choice of
example”, would perhaps prompt the student to give more examples
in that same manner throughout his paper.
Data under suggestions
The comments of suggestions and relevant meaning are
listed below an in general they are the recommended guidelines the
instructor provided and they prompt the student to revise. By making
corrections as suggested, the end result will be a well
improved paper. The italics are the teacher's comments preceding my
interpretation of what the statements mean in the student's revision
process.
3. One of the theorists Herrick discusses would be a stronger
choice. This is a recommendation to change theorist. The student will select a stronger choice of theorist based on this recommendation.
5. I wonder though, if this might be a place
to play off students' definitions of argument.
This will prompt the writer to change the location of the definitions
on the writing.
5. How do these views contradict or enrich
their expectations of what an argument should be?
The professor wants the student to include
one of the two: contradiction or the enrichment provided.
7. Can you say more about how they fit
together?
The student will elaborate and give
details about how they fit together or connect
8. But, I feel they could be taken further.
The student will dig deeper and explain the
topic further. This gives more information to the reader and expands the
writing.
8. Why should students care about opposing
viewpoints?
The student will give a general believe or
about
8. How should they deal with them if they must
be incorporated into the argument? Give reason why
8. But it doesn't really tell students how to
deal with sources that challenge their viewpoint and that they can't ignore.
This makes the writer rethink he\is position on
that idea.
9. Why is it important in this situation? This comment engages the students in critical thinking skills and will prompt to rethink and elaborate conversation. This expands his ideas or concepts.
Data under inexact
1. This bit feels tacked on to me.
3. But I don't feel he's the strongest person
4. I'm not sure
7. The logical connection between these sentences isn't clear to me.
7. The bullets in this section are good advice for research in general, but it doesn't really tell students how to deal with sources that challenge their viewpoint and that they can't ignore.
9. Some theorists would disagree with stating the thesis first.
Inexact comments are unclear writing and
inclusion the professor does not see why it was included. They are
inclusions the student should revise to improve the writing, so that it is congruent
with the context. In these areas something was done well, and something was not
done right. Therefore, there is certain
part of it that the student will most appropriately revise. For
example, on comment number 3, the writer choice of Herrick as the theorist
leaves the instructor wondering why that choice and not the best one which he
proceeded to commend.
The overall teacher's
comment might be the first place the student would stare because he would want
to know how well he did in general. Afterward,
he might look at the individual exact comments found throughout the paper to
start working on them right away if possible. The choice will depend on factors
in the student’s thinking. The overall comments inform the student how well he
is meeting the assignment’s requirement. For example, the professor states specifics
weakness or areas of improvement and relates in what ways objectives were met. In
other words, the general comments are important; because they are general
statements that let the student know where he should revise. These comments are
not to be taken lightly. Students know not to under estimate suggestions
on the overall comments. Not making corrections will earn a lower
grade. A student's good work represents effective learning. Teachers
want to see what students have learned since the main goal of a professor is
to teach. The professor accesses how
much and how well learning occurred through the student work. The student
recognizes that professors measure learning and that this assignment tests his
learning. Therefore, the student edits and improves his work which the teacher then
sees as learning progress. This results in the student receiving a good grade.
Conclusion
In
conclusion, there are many revision strategies derived from a teacher
comments. In this short language analysis, I have given evidence of just
how language transcend beyond simple talks. The teacher’s comments in their literary
context are building tools and are capable of creating a mastery work. The
student would revise with the teacher in mind since the professor is his
audience. He would engage in rhetorical analysis in order to meet this specific
goal. In doing so, he would ask himself pertaining
rhetorical questions in order to meet every possible expectation. The teacher
provides the assignment and so the student will write and revise to meet
the assignment guidelines. The student makes improvement to get to the level
where the teacher can see his progress. The student might say, “I am doing this
assignment because it is a school requirement designed to improve my
learning”. Most likely, however, the student will make changes to his paper to
get a good grade. If the teacher does not see the learning in the student’s
work, well then the student will not get a good grade.
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