blog 15 short analysis final

                   

Maritza Rodriguez

Teacher's Comments on a Student's paper. (Sample # 1)

     The writing process involves many revision strategies. Every writer has unique revisions and methods operative for his own goals. For instance, I like to do a series of alterations over days and weeks. Allowing my writing to sit for a couple of days and then returning to make changes, permits me to look at my text in a new way. This is when I am most able to express what I want to express in an intended manner. Most of the time, I have someone look over my writing before turning it in to the professor. This is a friend or a classmate with whom I feel comfortable asking to serve as detective of grammatical errors. Once I am satisfied with my final draft, I seek to find out how my writing is coming across to the reader. After all, we write so that the reader receives our message. For me, having someone read my writing at loud is my most important and best revision strategies. Once the final draft is completed, I meticulously check my writing focused on every aspect of audience expectations.  This process during the final draft, allows me to discover hitches and check for tone. However, the audience is present at certain degree during every drafting process from beginning to the end. A writer possesses purpose and audience awareness and the two are the driving forces in creating text and leading the revisions. 

     Language is more than spoken words.  Language creates and built views. The comment a teacher makes on his student's paper is a form of communication from the professor to the writer.  It serves as a teaching coaching technique. I seek to investigate what role language plays in the revision process by analyzing the teacher’s comments on a student’s paper. The student’s draft I am analyzing is sample I. As the edits the draft, audience expectations and purpose drive the revision process.  The way the student feels about the comment will also be a factor because as the writer of the paper, only he knows what he intended to say and not the professor who interprets it.

   After sorting my data, I found comments of compliments, suggestions and hesitation.   I have numbered the comments and I analyzed their meanings.  The data sets and their meanings are the route and choices of revision; that the student will most likely make to comply with the audience expectation.

  Compliments

1. I like the opening hook up to here.

2. This overview works well.

3. Derrick's textbook is a good place to start.

5. These points are clear.

6. Nice choice of example

8. The basic ideas of this paragraph are clear

  The first sets of data are the compliments.  The compliments are well done work in the writing.  It lets the student know the specifics part of the draft that were done well. In general, the student will leave those particular areas as it is since the teacher finds it satisfying. He would most likely not change the sentences where compliments were received for there are no reasons to make changes.  However, since compliments are shining areas of his writing, he might decide to make them stand out or and repeat similar actions.  For example, the compliment, “nice choice of example”, would perhaps prompt the student to give more examples in that same manner throughout his paper. 

 Data under suggestions

The comments of suggestions and relevant meaning are listed below an in general they are the recommended guidelines the instructor provided and they prompt the student to revise. By making corrections as suggested, the end result will be a well improved paper.  The italics are the teacher's comments preceding my interpretation of what the statements mean in the student's revision process.

 3. One of the theorists Herrick discusses would be a stronger choice.
This is a recommendation to change theorist.  The student will select a stronger choice of theorist based on this recommendation.

5. I wonder though, if this might be a place to play off students' definitions of argument. 

This will prompt the writer to change the location of the definitions on the writing.

5. How do these views contradict or enrich their expectations of what an argument should be?

The professor wants the student to include one of the two: contradiction or the enrichment provided.

7. Can you say more about how they fit together? 

The student will elaborate and give details about how they fit together or connect

8. But, I feel they could be taken further.

The student will dig deeper and explain the topic further.  This gives more information to the reader and expands the writing.

8. Why should students care about opposing viewpoints?

The student will give a general believe or about 

8. How should they deal with them if they must be incorporated into the argument? Give reason why

8. But it doesn't really tell students how to deal with sources that challenge their viewpoint and that they can't ignore. 

This makes the writer rethink he\is position on that idea.

9. Why is it important in this situation? 
This comment engages the students in critical thinking skills and will prompt to rethink and elaborate conversation.  This expands his ideas or concepts.
Data under inexact
1. This bit feels tacked on to me.
3. But I don't feel he's the strongest person
4. I'm not sure
7. The logical connection between these sentences isn't clear to me.
7. The bullets in this section are good advice for research in general, but it doesn't really tell students how to deal with sources that challenge their viewpoint and that they can't ignore.
9. Some theorists would disagree with stating the thesis first.

    Inexact comments are unclear writing and inclusion the professor does not see why it was included.  They are inclusions the student should revise to improve the writing, so that it is congruent with the context. In these areas something was done well, and something was not done right.  Therefore, there is certain part of it that the student will most appropriately revise.  For example, on comment number 3, the writer choice of Herrick as the theorist leaves the instructor wondering why that choice and not the best one which he proceeded to commend. 

     The overall teacher's comment might be the first place the student would stare because he would want to know how well he did in general.  Afterward, he might look at the individual exact comments found throughout the paper to start working on them right away if possible. The choice will depend on factors in the student’s thinking. The overall comments inform the student how well he is meeting the assignment’s requirement.  For example, the professor states specifics weakness or areas of improvement and relates in what ways objectives were met. In other words, the general comments are important; because they are general statements that let the student know where he should revise. These comments are not to be taken lightly. Students know not to under estimate suggestions on the overall comments.  Not making corrections will earn a lower grade.  A student's good work represents effective learning. Teachers want to see what students have learned since the main goal of a professor is to teach.  The professor accesses how much and how well learning occurred through the student work. The student recognizes that professors measure learning and that this assignment tests his learning. Therefore, the student edits and improves his work which the teacher then sees as learning progress. This results in the student receiving a good grade.

Conclusion

     In conclusion, there are many revision strategies derived from a teacher comments.  In this short language analysis, I have given evidence of just how language transcend beyond simple talks. The teacher’s comments in their literary context are building tools and are capable of creating a mastery work. The student would revise with the teacher in mind since the professor is his audience. He would engage in rhetorical analysis in order to meet this specific goal.  In doing so, he would ask himself pertaining rhetorical questions in order to meet every possible expectation. The teacher provides the assignment and so the student will write and revise to meet the assignment guidelines. The student makes improvement to get to the level where the teacher can see his progress. The student might say, “I am doing this assignment because it is a school requirement designed to improve my learning”. Most likely, however, the student will make changes to his paper to get a good grade. If the teacher does not see the learning in the student’s work, well then the student will not get a good grade.        

                   

Blog 20 data collection transcript

DATA

On recorder 1.

In the recorder: I am here with my friend Chichi 5/14/2013. The time is now 3:47. An interview is being conducted and we both agree to be recorded. Real names will be kept confidential.

I began introducing the interview in Spanish.  This I did for warm up purpose for the several present people and for myself. In the room, there was his brother and an uncle. I was not sure if it was a good idea let them be in the room or ask to be left alone.  They very interested on observing the interview though and I thought it was good for the environment to get Chichi to open up.  I am not sure how this played out yet.

Me in the recorder, “So, now, I will speak in English because I will be writing in English therefore I rather do the interview in English since we both speak English”.

Mine. So, thank you Chichi for agreeing to interview with me.  It really is a pleasure to meet with you and thank you ahead of time for doing this for me.

Mine. So, tell me do you have any goals? Or things you would like to do in your future?

C. Well, I….goals

Mine. What are you currently doing?

C. I am doing out of cat. Out of cat, computer computer classes. Goals, I would like to go to college and try to be a detective or if not. I don’t know… I am stucked.

Mine. So, basically you think maybe you would like to be a detective? But, you are not sure because that can change later?

C. Yes, that could change.

At this point, he stopped my recorder.  We spoke again about if to do the interview with the recorder or not.  We agree to use the recorder when I inform him if ok to omit information or not answer a question he doesn’t feel comfortable.

Recording number 2.

Mine. I don’t know if the other recording was kept but will continue from here on.

Please do not touch my recorder gain. Smile.  That is not for you to touch.  That is for your voice to go in there. Kidding but meant it.

Goals

Mine. What are you doing to achieve those goals?

C. Well, right now I am not doing anything. My first step is to finish HS after that…I will try to go to college. I have already the contact, a friend of mine she will try to set me up so I can try to go to college for free.  After that, then I going to pick the career that I want to do.

Mine. Ok.  Well, it sounds like you are on the right path. The thing about college is that is ok to in not knowing yet what you are going to major in because you still have time to explore.  So, I do want to encourage you to go to college to get an education.

Mine. What could help reach those goals or what are your obstacles?

I could do whatever I want. There is not obstacle in the way.

Mine No?

C. NO, not at all.  There are people who come way worse situation than I and then make it and if they make it, I can make it too.

Mine. Yes, I like you positivism. I really liked that.

Mine.  You basically feel you can do anything….

C. I feel I can do it.  If I keep repeating that to myself then I will. I just really have to be consistent in my believe in order to make it.

Mine What do you feel proud about?

C. Mostly, I like to read. I like writing poems and I never give up on working on that even when a mishap happens.  I lost my work twice but I continue to write

Mine So, you do have some skills? That is skills.  It is art. (me surprised)

Yeap.

Mine So, you feel most proud about that part of you

Yeap

Mine On that note, how do you think people see you?

C. I have no idea how people see me and I don’t really mind because I got to see myself for things I think are best for me.  I don’t really mind how people see me. I really mind how my family sees me but people not related to me, I don’t care.

Mine How do you see yourself?

C. I see myself as a good person. I am on the right path I may sometimes be lets say well you know when you get to that question I may get to that question…

Maybe I won’t. Give it to me.

Mine About family related. I may argue with my Mom. Like, I recognize that is the only bad thing I have, besides that, I am good.

Mine Ok.  But, I lot of times that is pretty normal during adolescence years.

Mine You know most adolescents argue with their parents

C. So, if that is not included, then I see myself as a good person.

Mine It is not included but it is included in the sense that everyone seems to go through that phase and it does not seem that you are a bad person.

C. Ok. So the question was…how do I see myself.  I see myself as a normal regular person that want to succeed like everyone else in this world.

Mine Are you ambitious?

C. Yes, pretty ambitious.   Not in a bad way though.

Mine No, in a good way.

Mine What school do you go to?

C. Piscataway Vocational School

Mine Where is that?

Mine In Piscataway

Mine Wait, how come you don’t go to New Brunswick High school?

C. I don’t go to that school, because Piscataway Vocational School trains you for a specific skill and recommend you for a job that pays minimum $15 hourly.

Mine Did you pick that school?  How come you did not go to New Brunswick High School for example?

C. First reason, my Mom did not want me to go there and at first I wanted to go but then I said no.

Why?

C.I am not going to go there. I rather go to Piscataway Vocational School because that is the best choice. At that school, I can pick my main career and from there after I am done with school,

I choose Vocational Tech School because it is the best option for me.  I choose three careers.

 Automobile-got excluded because I did not want to wear the attire.

 barber- was for females so I exclude myself.

Culinary Arts. I did not want to do just cleaning and that all I seem to be doing.  So, the teacher also excluded me out.

Computer-last option.

Mine Because my Mom did not want me to go there.

Mine Why

C. Because of the problem, fight, family member problems and I would be getting confused as of my family member.

Mine Ok.

Mine How do people friends see u?

C. They don’t see me as a bad person. I respect them, they respect me

C. I don’t know how they see and I really don’t care.  What I think that I know, I am as best I believe I am.

Mine How do you think she sees you?

C. I know she doesn’t see me as good as I see myself.  That question you need to ask her whenever you have the time. But, I don’t think she sees me as I see myself?

Mine How do you think she sees you?

C.I am not going to answer that because that is something she would have to answer.

Mine. But, you know.. you know. How she sees you. (Here, he ask to pass the question) Said, go on..

Mine Ok.

C.I may know. But, I will not answer.

Mine Ok

Mine What is like living with your Mom?

C.I don’t feel uncomfortable.

Mine Good and Bad

C.Good-she has done a lot for us. Bad-she fights too much. She argues over anything. Besides that she is fine. She is still my Mom though.

Mine Of Course! She is your Mom and you love her no matter what.

Mine But, we cannot deny that at times we do wish it was better such as if she could change a bit.

Mine If there was something, you would change about her, what would it be?

C.I don’t have the power to change because only God can change her but if I did I would make her a person who argues less. Don’t argue and if you do don’t argue as much as you do because this is beyond normal level.

Mine What does she argue about?

C. Little things. Big things. About anything.  For example, she would argue about a dish I did not promptly take to the kitchen after eating.

He said, I am already feeling uncomfortable.

Mine No, is ok. We are almost done.

Mine Can you give me some example of when you got frustrated and the reason.

I don’t get frustrated. I get mad and I scream or yell and raise my voice

Mine If you display anger is that not a sign of frustration?

C. No, I really don’t get frustrated.  I just raise my voice to get her to listen.

I don’t even go out. I am scorpion. I like to be by myself. I am kind of shy so I don’t feel comfortable being among people.

Mine Is Ok not going out?

Yea, I rather stay at home

Mine What do you like to do for fun?

C. I like to go to the park, play catch, play basketball.

Mine It doesn’t have to be out to party.  It can be just leaving the house to the park.

Well, if when I have the resources, the money and the things I like to stay home have a drink

Mine Do you drink?

C. Yea!

Mine Have you gotten drunk?

C. Not drunk not drunk

Mine How many times you have gotten drunk?

C.I don’t know.

Mine A lot! Like five? More,

C. Maybe 10? I don’t know.

Mine How bad have you gotten drunk?

C.Not overdrunk. I can control myself; I know what I am doing. Like I go to the bathroom where I am away from people, I am walking dizzy in the bathroom and when I get out I play it off.  People don’t notice because they are drunk themselves. Not super drunk. I have thrown up in the bathroom but I know how to do things. I play things off.  I know how to do things.  If I know that I am drunk, I would just be with a beer and no one would notice.

Mine What places you have gotten drunk at?

C.I don’t drink that way when I go out.  But, at home yea. At home in the house

Mine Do you have a driver’s license?

C. No, I am working on getting a permit.

Mine What does your mother says about you drinking?

C. She always says don’t be drinking too much.

Mine She yells?

C.Yea, but there she has the right too. Because I know she worries. Is like me.  I be telling her don’t drink too much.  Even I tell her don’t drink too much at times.

Mine Can you give examples or situations of when she got upset at you?

Did not want to provide example of when she got upset at him? (d)

Did not want to provide example of a situation when Mom approached him in a wrong way or upset. (d)

Mine Can you give me one? Declined (d)

C.Can you give her one? (Speaking to his brother).

Mine How would you describe your relationship with your mother?

C.I, I, I don’t know how to describe the relationship.

Mine So, you don’t have any problem right now?

C. Right now right now?

Mine Not right now, you are sitting in front of me.

C. There are issues but there is also love.

C.Well, with her, I don’t have any problems?

Side talk with:

Chichi stated there is disrespect in the household.  Family members name call and plain bad talk. Family members are united during big problems; but afterwards everyone is to themselves.  Says there is love. 

Blog 14 short analysis draft

Blog 14 short analysis draft


                                      Teacher's Comments on a Student's paper.

     Language is more than spoken words. (Do research here) The comments teachers make on students paper is a form of communication from the professor to the writer.  It serves as a teaching coaching technique. I seek to investigate what role language plays in the revision process by analyzing the teacher’s comments on a student’s paper. This student’s paper is a simply a draft in the working process where audience expectation and purpose are the driving force in revision.
      The writing process involves many revision strategies.  Every writer has unique revisions methods operative for his own goal.  For instance, I like to do a series of alterations over days and weeks.  Allowing my writing to sit for a couple of days and then returning to make changes permits me to look at my text in a new way.  This is when I am most able to express what I want to express in an intended manner.  Most of the time, I have someone look over my writing before turning it in to the professor.  This is a friend or a classmate with whom I feel comfortable asking to serve as detective of grammatical errors.  Once I am satisfied at my final draft, I seek to see find out how my writing is coming across to the reader.  After all, we write for so that the reader receives our message. For me, having someone read my writing at loud is my most important and best revision strategies. I prefer to dig deep in audience expectations at the final draft because it is where I discover hitches and check for tone.  However, the audience is present at certain degree during every drafting process from beginning to the end.  A writer possesses purpose and audience awareness and the two are the driving forces in creating text and leading the revisions. 


The Purpose and The Audience 
 

     There are many revision strategies derived from a teacher comments. Obviously, a student would want to meet the audience expectation who in this case is the teacher. The teacher provides the assignment, so the student will write and revise to meet the assignment guideline. The assignment serves several purposes within the purpose some which include learning from the teacher’s objective. The student makes improvement to get to the level where the teacher can see his progress. The student might say, “I am doing this assignment because it is school requirement designed to improve my learning”. Most likely, however, the student will make changes to his paper to get a good grade. If the teacher does not see the learning in the student’s work, well then the student will not get a good grade. The student's professor commented on the back of the paper that the draft is overloaded with information and that this amount makes it hard to see what is important. Furthermore, the teacher gives recommendation on how to go about making such improvement. At hand, I do not have a revised copy so see changes by the student. But, I can guarantee that this specific revision is not overlooked, ignored or left undone because otherwise the assignment requirement would not have been met. Students know not to under estimate this type of suggestions since this would earn a bad grade. There are many comments of suggestions and needs for clarification that the student must make for the paper to be a good paper.  A student good work is a representation of effectively learning.  The student has to make the improvement to get to the level where the teacher can see his progress and he can get a good grade.

Through Compliments, Suggestions and Uncertainty
To work with the date, I have numbered the comments.  Then I analyzed their meanings and found the following:

Data under Complements:
1.  I like the opening hook up to here.
2.  This overview works well.
3.  Herrick's textbook is a good place to start.
5. These points are clear.